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Birthdays and Anniversaries - September 16 Have a great day! He is thanked by Jack and Judy Geller. Rachel runs in and tells them she heard Monica coming. Everyone ducks down and turns the lights off. However after a short while, Monica doesn't enter and they can hear banging from outside. Chandler leaves to check everything is OK. However, he finds a drunk Monica collapsed in front of Joey and Rachel's apartment door. Her speech is slurred and she is very over-excitable. She tells Chandler that the bus-boys took her out for drinks as she was nervous about turning thirty.
Chandler comes up with a plan of sneaking Monica in and fooling everyone into thinking she is sober. However upon her entry to the apartment, Monica overreacts to the surprise. Joey is shown in Ross' car, still wedged between the other two cars. He tries desperately, under Ross' command, to move it out, but the car is trapped.
A beautiful woman walks pasts and asks Joey if it is his car. He attempts to reply but Ross interrupts and scares the woman away. Phoebe returns to the group and tells them she will break into the van in front of Ross' car and put it into neutral, while the others push it forward. Phoebe pulls a crowbar from beneath her jacket and slides it down the window. The car door opens but sets off the alarm.
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Phoebe runs away with the others yelling 'Haul ass'. Ross is left trapped in his car with nowhere to go. Phoebe visits her sister Ursula, who informs her that they are now thirty-one and not thirty as Phoebe had previously thought. Ursula shows Phoebe a list of stuff she received when their mother died, including her birth certificate.
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Phoebe asks if Ursula has her birth certificate, but she says she sold it to a 'Swedish runaway'. She also asks if Ursula knows her middle name, which she incorrectly thinks its Phoebe, her first name. Chandler helps Monica through her party, despite her obvious drunk nature, she gets a party-goer's name wrong, to which Chandler has to correct her. Chandler tells the others that Monica is drunk and that she doesn't want her parents to notice.
Phoebe decides that she should get twice as drunk as Monica, so no one will even notice her. Chandler then asks Rachel to help Monica get changed into her party dress.
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Tag hands Rachel her birthday gift, which is revealed to be a scooter, something which the other friends disapprove of. Chandler then hands Rachel the card and present from him and Monica. However the inside message, which was supposed to be a joke, upsets Rachel. She runs into her room crying. However, Rachel returns to the group with a plan. She tells them she wants three children and she wants the first one before she is thirty-five.
However her calculations show her that she must already be with the guy she wants to marry. Tag is then shown riding along on the scooter, with Joey trailing behind breathlessly, asking him not to keep hogging it. Monica is now in her party dress and is being helped through the party by Chandler and Rachel. Chandler tells them Monica just has to stay quiet and not talk to anyone. However, Phoebe, who is very drunk by this point, calls for Monica to make a speech.
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Monica gets up reluctantly and makes a typical speech. However, part way through, Monica decides she wants to express her true feeling and tells her parents that she is drunk and has smoked a cigarette. She then tells them that she is a grown up and that she can do whatever she wants, before passing out. Phoebe then rushes to get Joey to help her get her top off to distract the crowd.
Phoebe is then shown in the coffee house with the others.
She is bummed out at not having reached any of her goals before she is thirty-one, including; meeting Portuguese people, having the perfect kiss and going to sniper school. Monica offers to take Phoebe upstairs to have some cake, but she is too upset and leaves to be alone. Joey follows after her and kisses her.